I had a flashback today.
Through a series of unfortunate events, I’ve been without childcare this week. My plans A, B and C all failed and I’ve been juggling the demands of my full-time job, my kids and their schedules, plus all that other stuff that has to get done, like dinner, laundry and compulsively checking my email.
Today I took my daughter to the grocery story at about 10 a.m. and suddenly I was right back there, five years ago when I was a stay-at-home mom, with all the other moms and their cartfuls of kids and their shopping lists. I remembered that it was the golden hour between breakfast and lunch in which I used to accomplish all my errands.
We continued through the store, Harper carrying the grocery basket in one hand and her Littlest Pet Shop purse in the other.
“Look, she’s got the same hat as you!” I’d say. The mom next to me at the deli was scoping out the mesquite turkey with her three kids and asked, “Is that what you’re getting, too? Will yourkids eat it?” I shared the obligatory nodding acknowlegement with every mom I passed.
I miss a lot of things about being home with the kids full time (I will not list the things I don’t miss; if you’re a parent, you know what they are).
I miss the security of knowing where my kids are at any time, and what they’re doing. I miss going to the carousel, park or children’s museum in the middle of the day. I miss naptime. I miss the peace of mind that if my kids are sick all night, at least I don’t have to get up and go into work the next morning.
And damn it, I miss wearing velour tracksuits all day, every day.
My kids were babies when I was home with them. I didn’t have hobbies, many friends, or direction. I didn’t have time. As I explore my creative and entrepreneurial limits now, as an older and wiser individual (right?), I hope I can recapture some of those things I miss. And make a living at it.